Thursday, November 11, 2010

Chapter 6: In which I take it out on others...

Driving down Carnegie Boulevard yesterday, I saw a woman with her three children on the sidewalk.  She was bent over the youngest child, who looked to be perhaps 2 or 3 years old.  She was screaming at him; my windows were closed so I couldn't hear her.  Then, she took her tote bag and swung it back and into him, which pushed him into the brick wall he was standing against.  She swung again, then cuffed the child in the head.  The other two children were standing by, clearly scared.

Although I was in the center lane and the traffic was heavy, I stopped the car and rolled down the passenger window, furious, screaming,

"DON'T YOU HIT THAT CHILD!!!"

She retorted without looking up,

"SHUT THE F**K UP!"

I yelled again, "DON'T YOU DARE HIT THAT PRECIOUS CHILD!!!  YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT CHILD!"

The traffic around me started to honk and I started up, but as I rolled away I heard her yell, "WHO THE F**K DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, B***H??"

Who indeed?

I was blinded with tears of rage.  Why does she get to keep her child, when mine was taken away?  I was a good parent!  I loved that little girl with all my heart and I made sure she knew it every single day!  Was she a bit spoiled?  Maybe.  But she knew she was cherished, which was more important.  It's so unfair!  Why do all the "bad" parents get all the kids they want, and then some?  Of course she doesn't deserve that child!  If I can't have my child, why should she get a child she clearly can't parent??  Why did God take MY baby?? IT'S SO UNFAIR!!!  I cried and raged all the way home.

But really, who the hell did I think I was?

Who knows why she was yelling at the child?  Maybe he tried to run into the street.  No; it's never OK to hit a child that way, but who was I to tell her she didn't deserve her child?

The truth was that I missed the Bug, and I felt like a victim, and I lashed out.  I think I wanted someone, anyone, to hurt as much as I do.

I feel terrible.  Yeah, she fought back and acted tough, but I know full well those words will echo in her ears for a long time.  I only hope in time they stop making her angry and perhaps make her think to treat her children better.

5 comments:

bhd said...

You both needed that moment. Glad you took it. Helps sort things out, I reckon






lismics: Irish lilies.

Leah Caruso said...

I think you were right to tell that woman to stop hitting her child. You stood up for someone who was unable to stand up for themselves - bullies come in every form - even parents. I think you did the right thing.

Beanie said...

Ca: Love and wisdom from you, as always. I am thankful.

Leah: Thanks for stopping in. I have missed your voice.

JUDY said...

B., I think you did the right thing, but please remember not to put yourself in harm's way.

Anonymous said...

I agree that you did the right thing. *hug*

- winter