Sunday, November 25, 2007

Old, busted hotness

Agent J: Wait, what are you doing?
Kevin Brown/K: I always do the driving.
Agent J: Oh, no.
Kevin Brown/K: I remember that.
Agent J: No, what you remember is that you used to drive that old busted junk. See, I drive... the new hotness.
[pointing at Kay]
Agent J: Old and busted.
[pointing at himself]
Agent J: New hotness.
[Kay looks at Jay for a second, then Jay hands the keys over]
Agent J: Old, busted hotness.

I think I've found my new moniker. Old. Busted. Hotness.

I have bad ankles. Have I mentioned that? Well, I do. Had three surgeries before the age of 25 because I totally roached the ligaments playing volleyball. As a result, I have not been on a pair of ice skates since I was 12 years old. Bad ankles and ice skating are not a preferred combination.

Until this year. My daughter took up ice hockey and she frankly needs practice time to sharpen her skating skills. Ice time is at an enormous premium here -- hockey is as popular as soccer in these parts -- and so we have opted for the Family Skate night at the local rink to get her some much-needed practice.

Tonight, they shamed me into putting on a pair of skates.

42-12 = 30. That's how many years it's been since I was on the ice. You learn to fear falling over the course of 30 years.

Still, I think I did myself proud. I managed not to fall on my butt or any other part of me. Even remembered, albeit briefly, how to skate backwards.

You know, in your hip, there is this muscle. It's one of the adducter muscles. Its primary purpose is the pull your leg straight out to the side. It's rarely used. Unless, apparently, you are ice skating. Then, it appears to be your primary source of locomotion.

That little muscle is pretty wicked sore right now.


bhd said...

Never mind that shite-eating green on your face.

Anonymous said...

I love that muscle. Honing it makes one able to dispense roundhouse kicks to the face when deemed necessary by logic and reason. ;)

rebecca said...

i'm so jealous! i can't skate if my life depended on it.

Beanie said...

Lilykins: neither can I. But I have a VERY strong sense of self-preservation.

BHD: Shite-eating green? Stop dropping acid before you post. It's unseemly.

Tardikins: You know, now that you mention it, I used to use that muscle a LOT in Tai Kwon Leap class.

Boot to the head

winter said...

Ice skating is fun. I suck at it, but I enjoy it on those rare (separated by decades) occasions when I do it. Weak ankles here, too.