I got an email today that offered me a chance to become a Certified Strategic Negotiator!
They weren't making this offer to just anybody; oh no. They were only making this offer to people they thought could pay the $595 a piece for the seven classes you have to take in order to be a Certified Strategic Negotiator! Imagine how honored I felt. I've never seen a CSN. But I can be the first on my block to be one!
I asked myself several questions in follow up:
1) Do I get to don a cape and a blue spandex top emblazoned with an "N" (for 'Negotiator Girl') when I'm done? Do they make Spandex tops that don't reveal your muffin top?
2) If I don't complete the coursework, do I just become a Non-Strategic Negotiator? Or perhaps a Strategic Doormat?
3) If I convert to Judaism, then take the coursework in Negotiating in the Arab World, am I then capable of crafting my own solution to the Middle East crisis, beat myself down on terms over occupation in the Gaza and then sign my own accord?
4) What if I'd rather be a Tactical Negotiator? Do I get my own set of hostile takeover term sheets and a rocket launcher?
Clearly, I am going to have to take this exciting new offer under due consideration...