Tuesday, December 18, 2007

A confession.

I never meant for this to happen.

In fact, I had a grand plan to prevent exactly this outcome. I built my arguments; I created a strategy and a timeline. I walked into the situation ready to create the result I knew I so desperately wanted.

And yet, here I am.

I’m driving an SUV.

How did this happen?

I wanted to buy a Mini Cooper. Or a Volvo. Perhaps a mini Volvo? Something with great gas mileage and low emissions. Something that people would look at and say “Now there’s a great combination of proletariat hippie-chick values and style.”

Alas. I was undone by an 8-year-old Ford Taurus with 155,000 miles on it. And a husband who gets a pretty good discount on cars. And the snow. And the ice. And…and…oh! The shame of it all!

I was going to make the Taurus last until April. The Taurus, with its new thermostat in August, and its new transmission lines in September and its new hoses in November. The Taurus that blew a fuel line on Sunday. The Taurus had other ideas. And the Mini had a lead time of 3 months. And the Volvo was too much money.

And then my husband said, “Drive the Escape”

“I can’t drive that. It’s an SUV! The devil’s handiwork with traction control!”

“Humor me. Drive the Escape. You don’t have to like it.”

I drove the Escape. The Escape with the ‘stow and go’ seats. The Escape with the antilock breaks. And the ginormous sun roof. And the side mirrors that you could use to park a semi. The Escape with the heated seats.

It handily dealt with the snow and ice. It accelerated like a dream. And I could see! I could see all the other vehicles around me! I could see in 360 degrees! I once was blind, but now! Wow, that lady’s back seat is full of McDonald’s bags…. I could see! I…I…my resistance was failing me.

I rallied and held strong. “It’s still an SUV. It gets crappy gas mileage. It pollutes the environment.”

“It gets 30 miles to the gallon and it has the lowest emissions of any non-hybrid engine in the line-up.”

“Yeah…well. I’ll bet it’s expensive.”

“It’s $1,000 less than you paid for the Taurus, 8 years ago.”

“Well...well...


I guess it’s just barely an SUV. I mean, there are cars here that are a lot bigger than this, right? And...wow, is that a GPS?”

So I’m driving an SUV. But just a little one. Honest.

It’s blue. And I’m very cute in it, if I do say so myself.

6 comments:

bhd said...

Congratulations, and may you have many happy and safe miles in your new vehicle.

Now replace all those lightbulbs in your house with CF to compensate.

ptooey said...

Psshh. I don't fully understand the SUV backlash. But, I live in a place where it can snow 10 months out of the year, they don't do a great job plowing the streets, there are HUNDREDS of miles between towns on the highway, and there are many more hundreds of miles of dirt (read: unpaved) roads connecting the interesting and exciting destinations.

So, yeah. Nissan Pathfinder, here. No guilt whatsoever. Congratulations, and enjoy your new ride.

rebecca said...

i'm in the market for a nissan morano. or is it marano? marono??

fuck it. i can't spell.

congrats! sounds pretty and safe.

Melanie said...

i think there is no shame in comfort and safety. I drove an all out VAN for a long time. Miss that above the road feeling. Heated seats, sunroof, and GPS?

man. you are going to get used to it. and seeing as you had a taurus, parking is no different!! congrats. take a picture.

Justine's HouseWreck said...

But, do you say it like Dory?

"Esss- ca - pay. That's sounds just like escape..."

I could make you a deal on a red volvo wagon with a 156K miles on it, if you can't really get over the guilt.

winter said...

Enjoy!