Irony

Apparently it takes my deciding to have surgery to correct my vision, for me to find a pair of glasses that I totally dig.

Pics to follow soon.

Weekend in Braille

Let's see if I can muster a bit more grace today than I did yesterday, hmmm? Sorry for being so bitchy.

This weekend, I get to participate in an experiment in understanding what it's like to be legally blind.

This isn't by choice, mind you.

On Monday, I am going in for my first appointment aimed at getting my eyes fixed so I don't have to wear glasses or contact lenses anymore. This wasn't in the works, frankly. I wear contact lenses for something like 18 hours a day, seven days a week without the slightest complaint.

However, I learned a few weeks ago that I was about to lose *several* weeks of unused vacation time due to my having maxxed out my vacation bank here. That didn't please me, but I couldn't see any way to suddenly use six weeks of vacation before it evaporated.

And then I learned that I could sell back my extra vacation and put the money into a medical spending account.

Bingo. I have a date with the #1 refractive surgery department in the region. For FREE! I'm loving this.

The part I'm not loving is that I cannot wear my contact lenses for 48 hours before I go in.

This wouldn't be a problem, except that I lost my 15-year-old glasses on a business trip several months ago and have been living on just my contacts since then. My original game plan had been to replace the glasses from my medical account, until I learned about the whole free surgery thing.

But I just learned last night that I can't wear my contacts. All weekend.

So, yeah. I'm a total moron. In fact, that's exactly what my husband said last night. "Wow. You're a freakin' moron, aren't you?" Yeah. He's a love, ain't he? I told him to kiss my unmanageable ass.

I'm so screwed. Nowhere to get a cheapo pair in my strength (because I'm pretty much bat-blind without my lenses in) before tomorrow.

This'll be a learning experience, for certain. I'll check in as soon as my eyes stop being dilated on Monday and I can put my lenses back in. ;) Hopefully, that'll be BEFORE the OSU national championship game starts.

Have a great weekend!

Old, busted hotness

Agent J: Wait, what are you doing?
Kevin Brown/K: I always do the driving.
Agent J: Oh, no.
Kevin Brown/K: I remember that.
Agent J: No, what you remember is that you used to drive that old busted junk. See, I drive... the new hotness.
[pointing at Kay]
Agent J: Old and busted.
[pointing at himself]
Agent J: New hotness.
[Kay looks at Jay for a second, then Jay hands the keys over]
Agent J: Old, busted hotness.

I think I've found my new moniker. Old. Busted. Hotness.

I have bad ankles. Have I mentioned that? Well, I do. Had three surgeries before the age of 25 because I totally roached the ligaments playing volleyball. As a result, I have not been on a pair of ice skates since I was 12 years old. Bad ankles and ice skating are not a preferred combination.

Until this year. My daughter took up ice hockey and she frankly needs practice time to sharpen her skating skills. Ice time is at an enormous premium here -- hockey is as popular as soccer in these parts -- and so we have opted for the Family Skate night at the local rink to get her some much-needed practice.

Tonight, they shamed me into putting on a pair of skates.

42-12 = 30. That's how many years it's been since I was on the ice. You learn to fear falling over the course of 30 years.

Still, I think I did myself proud. I managed not to fall on my butt or any other part of me. Even remembered, albeit briefly, how to skate backwards.

You know, in your hip, there is this muscle. It's one of the adducter muscles. Its primary purpose is the pull your leg straight out to the side. It's rarely used. Unless, apparently, you are ice skating. Then, it appears to be your primary source of locomotion.

That little muscle is pretty wicked sore right now.